TO: …If you’re in tonight..
1st I continually find it amazing how when I was truly totally alone; how much I trusted God was with me & kept it together — when there was NO one to reach out to. & now, when in most all ways, I am safe, [still few to reach out to when in crisis] but can, yet still how terrifyingly scary…
Also, right now Memories that have been recalled, for good use, are bringing relived emotions too – & here’s the immediate trigger— cell phone battery went out.
One way I was controlled- & especially when I was physically brutalized by Bernie – he’d then take the phone (or see to it we didn’t have one) esp. when I was physically isolated or incapacitated.
I’m trying to pray, decided to write.. to you; hope you’re in & hear .. I’m caught in a real past that no longer is: my body physically can’t handle it very well — too damaged & tired.
Angry that Bernie still tries to impact & harm our son’s life –for he too broke the silence. Once again. I can’t stop the monster.
Breathe, … I’m safe — by God’s grace & a most marvelous young man who still calls me Mom.
Now, ol friends who still accept me — are still out there & do pray for me. Damn, it’s cold: thank you God that on this night… I am under a kind, warm roof.
